Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
