so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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