Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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