is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
