Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
