Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
