i was born a porn star she said
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
