It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
