There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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