Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
