I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
