Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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