I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
its not stalking. its research.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
