Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just pynch a tree in the face
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
