dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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