I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Who died my cat blue again?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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