It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
