i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
