I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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