On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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