Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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