Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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