six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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