Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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