Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
