I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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