this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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