Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
