why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
