listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
