I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
