Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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