a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
