He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
