It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
