What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
