i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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