for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
