Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
