i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
