Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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