It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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