Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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