Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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