The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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