you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
