My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
