Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
