What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
