Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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