it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
