Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
