I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize