The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
