I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
