remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
