Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
