remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
