dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
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If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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