is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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