im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
