i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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