Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
