I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich