I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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