Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
