We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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