How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
