I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Mom said you looked used
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
