I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
