I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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