You just made me feel so damn special
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
